Stallman and Assange rally for better photograph of Snowden

stallman_assangeStallmann and Assange too are now rallying for a better picture of Snowden … The same picture has been reused over and over by news media, for far too long. According to sources from the Guardian, a new picture is also urgently required for his asylum application – which has been stalled due to the lack of a proper photograph causing Snowden to be stranded in Moscow airport for several weeks …

Stallman was quoted saying that “it doesn’t matter what you look like on photos”. And “even people call you a stinky goat” it was always better than being stranded in a Russian airport with nowhere to go.

But Stallman admitted that he was “a bit jealous” too because Snowden managed at least to make some close friends among Moscow airport’s many hobos. Stallman added that: “even programming an operating system and naming it with something that rhymed with TURD” didn’t get him the attention he desperately craved since the early 90ies.

Assange who as been voluntarily living in the Ecuadorian embassy for over a year now was also seriously worried about Snowden’s health. Snowden who has been living on regular-sized Toblerones, in the Moscow airport has become increasingly addicted to the little Naphthalene Ball’s inside the airport urinals. It’s believed that Snowden is hooked on these little balls, calling them “Russian Mentos”.

Toilet cleaning staff at the Moscow airport claimed that they overheard Snowden talking to himself while bent over one of the urinals and getting high. Apparently he mumbled the words: “It’s no use. Whatever picture they take, I always look the same. It’s like a curse. Just get more balls and money for Toblerone’s.”

Indeed one of his former NSA colleagues (who wished to remain unidentified) confirmed that Snowden’s bland facial features were the primary reason why he got hired in the first place. If your face can best be described as looking like “the third album of The Orb” then you are our man, as simple as that. Indeed a lack of personality is also a common trait among computer nerds and “blending in” is the most important skill for aspiring spies.

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