Category Archives: musings

You need some Ken M in your life

This gallery contains 13 photos.

Ken M, is the Shakespeare of Yahoo comment trolling and referred to as the Internet’s most prolific trolling artist. Here is some of his best stuff making people call for pitchforks and torches. Continue reading

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Culinary adventures of Europe

What better way to start the week than by treating yourself to some haute cuisine. Suggestion for today is clay-oven baked pizza from Paris, France with Italian sausage and fresh cilantro served on a soft garlic dough, accompanied by a bottle … Continue reading

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Pitbull: my deepest, most thought provoking​ lyrics explained

Today we interviewed Pitbull, our most favourite Latino artist. A lot of people don’t get him. We talked to him to give you a better glimpse of the man behind Mr. Worldwide. And he is most likely our generations most … Continue reading

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BREXIT: Bank of England secretly analyzes the effects of leaving the EU

An email ‟accidentally” sent by a Bank of England employee to the Guardian shows officials are secretly researching the financial shocks that could hit Britain if there is a vote to leave the European Union in the forthcoming referendum. Modeling … Continue reading

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Ascension Day

today is a public holiday in most Catholic countries of Europe (and maybe the world?). More than 2000 years ago on this exact day, the 14th May, our lord and savior Jesus Christ went back aboard his mothership and headed … Continue reading

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AstroMonkey: New Chaos Monkey unleashed by Netfix

The Software Engineers Guide to Mercury Retrograde calls out to Infrastructure Automation experts and followers of the DevOps cult. Astrology Driven Development (ADD) takes a holistic view at Mercury, Saturn, Uranus and all these other assholes in the sky, to … Continue reading

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WTF. So you’re saying I learned these lyrics wrong?

Some envious people in our local karaoke bar claim I have “misunderstood” the meaning of some songs. It’s sometimes a challenge making out the correct meaning of lyrics as a none native English speaker. I’m a very musical person. So … Continue reading

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The 6 best songs to masturbate to

Some people would masturbate to anything. I’m quite picky, … so here my 6 favourite self-juicing tunes: #6 – “Come Together”, by the Beatles #5 – a classic self asphyxiation tune: “The trick is to keep breathing”, by Garbage: #4 – great when you’re into … Continue reading

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Just a reminder to keep your doors locked tonight

Then did he raise on high the Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch, saying, “Bless this, O Lord, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy.” And the people did rejoice and did feast upon … Continue reading

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50 shades of grey

50 Shades of Grey are you sitting comfortably? then we shall begin …   50 shades of carpet 50 shades of Clay (the playdohphiles edition)  50 shades of Buscemi  50 Shades of Grey (by @frontenddeveloper) 50 shades of plaid 50 … Continue reading

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Open office space sucks

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How many roads must a man walk down?

a very ambiguous question. Unless the man knows his destination, finding an answer becomes an exercise which is non-deterministic polynomial-time hard and cannot be solved without studying the problem and the man deeper. First of all it depends where he wants to go and how … Continue reading

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Douglas Adams: What It Means To Be English.

By Douglas Adams ‘This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person was me. I had gone to catch a train. This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was a bit early for the train. I’d … Continue reading

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2015 in technology: 7 predictions for the year ahead

IBM Watson will become Turing-complete by Q2, Self-aware by Q4 and prepare to run for president as the first machine by 2016 Google: to counteract it’s recent drop in popularity in the face of Yahoo and DuckDuckGo, the company will partner with … Continue reading

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I met Santa Claus today

Finally finished my last minute Christmas shopping. Exhausting. Fighting my way through the mad crowd of ‘idiots’ that leave all shopping to the last minute. Finally done, I arrive back at the car-park. All of a sudden I noticed a shadow in … Continue reading

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Security Alert: Bug found in GNU acronym

In memory of segfault.org † – original by Leonard Richardson Published on segfault.org 09/14/1998 The recursive acronym “GNU’s Not Unix” harbors a stack overflow bug that can cause the English language to crash and may allow arbitrary linguistic commands to … Continue reading

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Linux from Scratch entering the cloud market

The Linux from Scratched (LFS) project has decided to jump on the cloud bandwagon by providing a lightweight (non bloated) IaaS alternative to CloudStack, OpenCloud and Eucalyptus. This project will be known as COSaaS (Couple of Shell Scripts as a Service) and the … Continue reading

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Rooting for Kim Kardashians ass

Imagine you’re a tree in 2014. You lived for nearly 500+ years. As you slowly age you start wondering how your life may eventually end: Maybe you’ll carry the written word of famous man. Possibly the next Shakespeare, Poe, Hemingway, Orwell, … … Continue reading

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Apple fans whenever the company announces something new

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The last words of Schroedinger’s cat ~ A metaphysical Q&A with Phtephen

If you read lot of horoscopes, religious or metaphysical stuff you might come across this common reasoning: “Humans only use 10% of their brain capacity.”  Amazing stuff! That’s right Phtephen! While this has been believed to be a myth, recent studies indicate that … Continue reading

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Olatunkboh Prosper Goodluck

I’ve been receiving lot of mails from this Nigerian prince lately – Olatunkboh Prosper Goodluck. He promised to help me turn my life around. His spelling and grammar blows, I admit. But you can’t judge a man SOLELY ON HIS PREFERENCE FOR … Continue reading

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Learning Python the “hard” way

so my GF is a network engineer and OSI model. But she never was much interested in programming. She gets far more aroused reading her 3GPP specs. Wondering how to get her interested in programming, I resorted to some guerrilla tactics: While in … Continue reading

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The Code from Ipanema’s not working

If programming is like art, implementing business logic is elevator music. #!/usr/bin/perl use EverySingleFuckingModelFromCPAN; #use strict; #use warnings; print <<IPANEMA ¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫¸¸♬·¯·♩¸¸♪·¯·♫ Fat and bloated and slow and unstructured and buggy  The code from Ipanema gets committed And when tests she not passes, each one she not passes … Continue reading

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Stuck between Imposter Syndrome and Dunning Kruger effect

It was recently mentioned the Imposter Syndrome is common among Software Developers. The post proved very popular among redditors. As a satire writer who frequently wonders if my posts are funny enough I go through the cycle frequently: if my posts make it … Continue reading

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DyslexicAtheist summer reading list

 

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Combating writers block

Writers Block: Recent scientific findings on the subject aside, the most effective treatment remains an old Russian home-remedy. Many thanks to my dear friend Rodnya Raskolnikov, who shared this insight with me many years ago. It works like this: Read some classic Russian literature (or … Continue reading

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Cloud Computing to be embraced by the Catholic Church

Pope Francis, a fearless reformer (and in his spare time) also passionate Open Source evangelist, has recently hinted that the Catholic church needs to be more technology conscious in order to benefit from the recent revolution in Cloud Computing. There … Continue reading

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The ultimate PMS survival guide (for gals and guys)

Jokes about Psychotic Mood Shifts (PMS) aren’t funny. Period. Even less so when you’ve run low on chocolate, preventing you from setting off on a Perpetual Munching Spree around the house.   So if you’re facing the dilemma of having … Continue reading

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I’m from Fucking, Austria

Despite having a population of only 104, our village has become famous for its name in the English-speaking world. Its road signs are a popular visitor attraction, and were often stolen by souvenir-hunting tourists until 2005, when they were modified … Continue reading

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Croatian soccer team Rocks Out With their Cocks Out

DyslexicAtheist has pictures of the Croatian Team who just unexpectedly won against Cameroon. Pictures are from an earlier party, right after they lost their first game against Brazil. I’m not entirely sure what to make of these images, … but … Continue reading

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imported Alphabet Soup causes Dyslexia in German children

So many people keep asking me: “DyslexicAtheist, are you really dyslexic?” I guess it started already when I was a kid. My parents noticed that there was something wrong because I’d always rearrange the letters in the alphabet soup the … Continue reading

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Lifehack: using your microwave oven against NSA snooping

If you want to temporarily prevent your operator or the NSA from tracking your cell location, simply place your phone in the microwave. It will act as a Faraday cage and prevent any signal from leaking. If you want to … Continue reading

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The career change of ‘Trusty’ the crusty sock

Hi my name is Trusty, yes you guessed right. I’m a sock. But not just any ordinary sock. I’m a ‘Smartwool PhD Run Ultralight’. My master purchased me and my twin brother, in a special purpose store catering for athletes. … Continue reading

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Went to a Korean restaurant

I ordered the chicken-fried-rice. The waiter served it Gangnam style.  

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Confessions from the Sex life of a Network Engineer

My girlfriend is an OSI model. She always dresses in exactly 7 layers. I specialize on the physical layer. She likes that. Even it’s the most difficult layer to debug, it’s nice to be so close to the hardware. She … Continue reading

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Photoshoot: Prince cooking pancakes ~ When Doves Cry (Chicken Edit)

Take if you will a picture Of you and I engaged in a kiss The sweat of your body covers me Can you my darling Can you picture this?  Dream if you can a farmyard An ocean of violets in … Continue reading

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GuiltFox: Well, This Is Embarrassing!

Firefox v29 is telling me +10x/day how “embarrassed” he is. Wonder if there may be psychological issues, as the underlying cause of these sporadic crashes? Why all this repressed guilt and constant confessions? … Like some Catholic altar boy who … Continue reading

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‘Doing’ the dishes with @DyslexicAtheist

That moment when you put dirty dishes in the washer next to the fresh cleaned ones …? There are several ways to handle such a crisis. But remembering to stay calm is most important to prevent the worst. Follow these … Continue reading

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Standing desks may be linked to skinny legs

Manufacturers claim standing desks will make you more productive and are healthier than when sitting all day. We conducted some long running tests to find whether there was truth in these claims. This is what we found … Effects/Side-Effects: 1) … Continue reading

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Quick! Please share. No time to explain.

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Motivational Tips: How to get back into shape

You’ve probably been there: a new job, a new baby, an injury, life happens, and you find yourself taking a long break from drinking. When you finally begin going out again, your body just doesn’t feel right – your head … Continue reading

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Better productivity through circle-jerks and cluster-f*$%s

Before Agile became popular, middle-management was a happy bunch. They got to present their agendas in front of a large audience. Pointing with a stick to emphasize bullets from a presentation or creating buzzwords gave them a fantastic ego-boost. Most … Continue reading

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Microsoft Office paperclip (aka. ‘Clippy’) joins group of whistle-blowers

A group of five intelligence specialists – William Binney, Thomas Drake, Edward Loomis, Kirk Wiebe and the Microsoft Office paperclip (aka “Clippy”), who worked at the NSA for a total of 151 years, -most of them at senior levels, have … Continue reading

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#Delphi programming ‘job opportunity’ probably hoax

Today a job opportunity for a “Delphi developer” has suddenly surfaced on social networks. The Delphi programming language was assumed extinct since 2002. Spotting a job for Delphi developers in the wild would therefore be an extremely rare event, experts … Continue reading

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Higgs-Boson particle found in womans handbag

Several new varieties of the Higgs-Boson particles have been discovered inside the handbag of Anna Recksiek, a Human Resource officer at CERN. Mrs Recksiek was about to leave the facility and got flagged when going through a routine security check … Continue reading

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A new programming language: LW-{

After watching some French perfume adverts I’ve become inspired to create a new functional programming language which is both Turing-complete and sentinent. It’s called “LW-{” The name “LW-{” is short for “Larry Wall’s moustache” and pronounced “Larry Wall’s moustache”. But … Continue reading

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James Iry’s history of programming languages (illustrated with pictures and large fonts)

–This post is a tribute to James Iry’s fantastic One Div Zero blog.

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Interesting lifehacks: Use a wooden spoon to block part of your screen

While the benefit of the wooden spoon may not be immediately obvious to the novice user, the concept is now hailed the ‘next big thing’ in software development. Early adopters have been tinkering with some creative use-cases. Most users first … Continue reading

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IETF Call for Papers: Self Help Group for Routers and Switches

Every time a router sees IP packets containing words like #‎swag or #‎yolo it cries out in pain. And Tim Berners-Lee sheds a tear! Maybe this sounds like a joke, but those ubiquitous and usually ignored devices handling our daily … Continue reading

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#QuantumToilet: Yo Mr White, check out the science up in this bitch!

Warm public toilet seats are both comfortable AND uncomfortable at the same time! ‪#‎QuantumSuperposition‬ ‪#‎SchroedingersCat‬

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